Blewzmann, part III: Blewzmann loses all, again.
I'm fuzzy on how it started, but somehow we got a few ninjas together in a WT-hunting fleet. Kahega was being camped by three DEADS members, including Blewzmann (also known as "the man with the 2B faction-fit active-tanked drake") in a Navy Caracal.
I say camped, but Kahega had access to an insta, so he was only waiting there because of the sweet faction cruiser waiting to be plucked.
As the ninjas formed up, it became clear that DEADS was fielding the majority of its PVP force. Most of us were in ships we had at hand, so taking on their blob wasn't in the cards.
That Navy Caracal, however...
Someone threw out a plan. Could have been me, or Llyan, or Kahega. I don't remember who suggested it, but we decided that we would do a hit-and-run on Blewzmann's expensive ship and hope that it had the faction fittings that he was so fond of. In my stealth bomber, I weaved through the station camp, slowly getting close to the Navy Caracal to act as a warp-in. Kahega undocked in a battlecruiser, got the camp to fire (including Blewzmann), and called in the fleet. They landed on me, targetted Blewzmann, and started firing. Being aggressed, he couldn't dock up. Standing instructions were to warp one's ship out as soon as it was targetted, so even when their entire force landed on the station we weren't terribly worried.
We lost a bomber, but we got the Navy Caracal. Take a moment and go look at that Caracal. We weren't able to get the can, but the hull plus destroyed faction mods were worth over 300 million ISK.
I'd call trading a bomber for a 300M faction cruiser a good deal. The DEADS folks, however, declared victory because we "ran away". Uh, yeah, I guess killing our objective and GTFOing before their blob can respond makes us the losers.
Here's some of their amusingly bad smack. Read it or skip it at your leisure.
Nicely done, ninjas.
Hawkiee > have no idea about fight, ur weak,
Paul Clavet > we weren't engaging the rest of you
Black Scorpio > so you engage only a part of us?
Paul Clavet > just your stupidly expensive faction cruiser
Hawkiee > because ur scared
Black Scorpio > i don't understand
fr3aky > i think that was oretty obvious paul, please dont state the obvious
Kahega Amielden > of course you don't understand
Hawkiee > i understand
Paul Clavet > I call it a win
Hawkiee > i would be scared too
Khalia Nestune > Manticore Loss: 60M or so
Hawkiee > u would bar b q
Khalia Nestune > how much ISK we won by: 10 to 1
Kahega Amielden > that's 20 to 1, Khalia
Scipio Thutmose > but you guys sure taught us a lesson
Khalia Nestune > oh was the manitcore even less? nice
Kahega Amielden > wait
Kahega Amielden > Dunno, what was the manti fit with?
Kahega Amielden > might be right. Either way, amazing
Hawkiee > im sure a small thing does amaze a simple mind like yalls
Hawkiee > we r still here,
fr3aky > anyway nice to see u all made an effort for once. til next time, lets say next week same time then?
Hawkiee > where yall hiding again?
DEKOright > i am a noob, what career shuld i chose?
Paul Clavet > Ninja Salvaging!
Khalia Nestune > if you can fit more faction-fit Navy Caracals? sure thing =)
Emizeko Chai > makes lots o money
Hawkiee > u need to learn to run b4 u can be a ninja
Paul Clavet > Run after killing your objective :)
Hawkiee > that is there 1st class they have to pass
Paul Clavet > very ninja
Khalia Nestune > Total Loss: 48,954,920.00
Khalia Nestune > so 49M to 632M ? sweeeet
Hawkiee > u look at isk again, seeing how we got it back,,, let me tell u again,,, this is not an isk war, its a war that will end when ur corp is no more
Paul Clavet > lol
Khalia Nestune > heh
Kahega Amielden > More competent pilots than you have tried and failed
Khalia Nestune > We've never heard that before!
Paul Clavet > how much money do you have left to lose?
Blewzmann > plenty
Hawkiee > more then u can take
Blewzmann > i have atruse fund
Blewzmann > so there i can fri3434 with you all year lond dd head
Hawkiee > 5 of us,, 11 of yall, come on
Blewzmann > im already for some more biat
Blewzmann > me and u the rpaula
Emizeko Chai > meth is a hell of a drug
Scipio Thutmose > i am spending my inheritance on internet spaceships
Hawkiee > i would not know
Hawkiee > tell us about it..
Blewzmann > yeah but im still ghere
Emizeko Chai > i would ask blewzmann, he's the one who looks like he's typing by banging his tear-streaked face on the keyboard
Marmilax > Or his tears have gotten through the rubber membrane and is short circuiting all the conductive traces on there
Blewzmann > lol
Paul Clavet > Real ninjas use IBM model M keyboards
Emizeko Chai > nothing gets thru his rubber membrane dude, his mom makes sure
Blewzmann > man i ma laughing dude
Paul Clavet > because of all the tears that we get
Marmilax > I know I have a model M
Scipio Thutmose > ;-; all my purchased isk! i hate you ninjas! your corp must die
Blewzmann > yall finalyy got some balls
Blewzmann > i love it
Marmilax > I love balls
Marmilax > I think you do too
Blewzmann > in ur moputh
Emizeko Chai > hey this navy caracal had truck-nutzTM attached!
Blewzmann > yeah i know
Marmilax > That was implied...
fr3aky > i tell u back in the day rubber membranes did not exist, all keyboards had individual microswitches. esp the really old ones :)
fr3aky > clicky keyboards ftw
Marmilax > Freaky I'm starting to like you more and more
Emizeko Chai > yeah, it annoys me but me too
Paul Clavet > I <3 clicky keyboards
fr3aky > :) like i always say its only a game, makign it personal in this game is just not a good thing.
Paul Clavet > You're a smart man
Paul Clavet > smarter than your smacking corpies
fr3aky > if ur not having fun u might as well unsub
Paul Clavet > right
Emizeko Chai > otherwiswe you're just paying to do a job!
Paul Clavet > As they say on the forums: THIS IS GAME
Kahega Amielden > o/ deads
Paul Clavet > TOUCHDOWN
Jimmy Aitch > it is? damn...
Blewzmann > wwaitng on the feild goal
Blewzmann > field
fr3aky > r u coming back btw, i need to plan my night :) i got films to watch :) i dont want to do an afk'ing meccross on u all.
Paul Clavet > have a good night
Black Scorpio > Paul the killjoy :)
Paul Clavet > heh heh
Paul Clavet > :)
Hawkiee > i would be ashames if my corp mates ran like yall do,
Paul Clavet > Running was the orders. "Kill the faction ship, then get out before their blob gets here"
Hawkiee > and u paul, u ran bettre then them all
Paul Clavet > I'm a ninja. I appear, strike, and ninja vanish
Paul Clavet > why do you think eve is about e-honor slugfests?
Hawkiee > its called running u winnie washer
Paul Clavet > We had a plan going in. We accomplished the objective and left.
Vohzd > pfff
Hawkiee > only plan yall have is run
Hawkiee > as every1 in here can see, we r here, come on back,, show every1 what a bad ass corp yall r,
Paul Clavet > Undock another 600M ISK cruiser :)
Paul Clavet > Why would we engage your blob?
Blewzmann > i did come on out
Blewzmann > u fool i told u already
Hawkiee > yall hire a merc corp to hunt us down, and we cant tell them from yall, always running, always hidding.
Paul Clavet > I dunno who hired the mercs
Hawkiee > yall did
Paul Clavet > assuming they were hired by us at all
Blewzmann > pauline caome on it little girl
Hawkiee > no assuming to it
fr3aky > they seem very friendly with certain members of ur corp paul, one must put 2 and 2 together.
Paul Clavet > Blewz, leave the smack to people with the capability for abstract thought, please.
Blewzmann > come on dude
Blewzmann > me and u
Blewzmann > by ourselvesd
Blewzmann > chicken shirt
Hawkiee > u can fight, so u hire some1 to do it for u, and they hide as much if not more then yall, its a sad day in eve
Blewzmann > man i cant type my pain med kicking in lol
Gloriaa > your own site says you honar all 1v1
Paul Clavet > It does?
fr3aky > i mean we dont really care as we seem to spend most o time camping them in till they get somethign thet cant lose with, but hey same old same old, but nvm, its more flashies for me to keep control of.
Gloriaa > Blewz just called you out
Paul Clavet > And we have to accept 1v1s with blobs?
Hawkiee > lol they left system, runing again
Marmilax > There's a complaint section for when someone dishonors a 1v1
Paul Clavet > We destroyed our objective and left.
Paul Clavet > heh heh
Blewzmann > yeah look how many it took
fr3aky > ofc not paul no one would expect that, but hey safety in numbers...
Marmilax > There's no requirement to accept them or to trust someone enough to behave honorably
Blewzmann > u cant do it by urself guARNTEE
Hawkiee > aww BAr B Q.. u did nothing but run.
Blewzmann > u talk the talk
Blewzmann > that is it punk
Hawkiee > its good u do it so well, because u will be running from now on.
Gloriaa > yes but thanks to eve and him gettinp popped right beside me he got most back
Blewzmann > i called u out bring what u want
Blewzmann > my friends will not interfere because we are good people not scavengers like u
Paul Clavet > Well, nobody's perfect I guess
Hawkiee > o well, it didnt take them long to learn to run,
Blewzmann > urright paul now bring your imperfect butt over and lets talk me and u and a dog nameb blew
Paul Clavet > Hey
Marmilax > Hawkie running is a prerequesite
Paul Clavet > my butt is perfect
Blewzmann > oh eally
Blewzmann > wow nice to know
Hawkiee > best thing u can do is go back to ur alt and run ur mouth in local in emol paul, only thing u r good for.
Marmilax > Hawkie, that dude in emol is a real dude
Marmilax > I chatted with him and he was hilariously angry at you
Hawkiee > yea, im sure
Black Scorpio > lol
Blewzmann > allright had fun at least yall did come and play alittle
Marmilax > We had som much fun at his ceasless smack not even realizing you were station camped
Blewzmann > but if u ever grow up paul and want to play in mt sandbox call me out ok
Hawkiee > this is what we have to do seeing how yall only dock,
Paul Clavet > We played in your sandbox, did what we came to do, and left. Sad you missed it. :)
Hawkiee > run around in cloaked ships,
Marmilax > I can't even fit cloaks?
Marmilax > goddamnit
Blewzmann > my sandbox
Blewzmann > not theirs
Hawkiee > u will soon, only safeway for yall to move around anymore,
The hit and run was my idea!
*shameless attention whore*
I actually think it was my idea...I remember mentioning that he warped in from the Eyster gate and that we could warp in from that same gate to land right on top of them. Could just be my ePeen getting in the way of my memory, of course.
Also, I did not have access to an insta...but I didn't really have any critical ships in that station, and breaking through a stationcamp is as easy as undocking in your pod and warping off.
Kahegea obviously does not notice when I am embellishing the story for propaganda purposes to make him look more like a badass.
Well, as I recall, I was the one saying "that Navy Caracal is faction/officer fit! We need to take it out!"
Quite enjoyed that tbh, more fights like that woudl be nice folks
/wave
i like the part where he blames his typing on pain meds
I like the part where they pull a Bush and call "Mission Accomplished" after losing a faction fit faction cruiser.
Paul: "So you lost a faction fit faction cruiser to us, and we lost an SB?"
deads: "Yep. Mission Accomplished."
Paul: "What? How did you win."
deads: "Mission Accomplished."
Paul: "But you didn't answer my question..."
Paul: "That doesn't even make any sense..."
deads: "We like chicken, since we like chicken Mission Accomplished."
Paul: "I'm just having a really hard time understanding what your talking about."
deads: "We will destroy SN, it's not about the money, it's about.....um....um...."
Paul: "I have it from a very reliable source this war was started because we salvaged one of your members missions. So that would pretty much....ya know...make it about the money...."
deads: "Mission Accomplished."
Paul: "I hope you all die in a fire so Darwin can stop rolling in his grave. Don't say it, I know, Mission Accomplished..."
deads: "Mission Accomplished."
Paul: *sigh*
I live in dodixie area but i cannot understand how can you manage to find these epic idiots? Maybe i am just unlucky or maybe i don't have enough time for eve. Anyway good luck at finding more idiots :)
These guys don't seem to understand the basic idea of things like submarines, missiles and stealth bombers: Hit the enemy without giving them the chance to hit you, or even see you coming.
The Ballad of Blewzmann
sweet music ~
"Paul Clavet > Real ninjas use IBM model M keyboards"
Well, there are times when Paul Clavet acts like just another pretentious worthless asshole, or worse (well, sometimes), but in any case, after seeing the above, I had to completely change my opinion. Paul, there's no way you can be a bad person in real life.
Also, the first Blewzmann episode was just sad, I mean in sense of "poor, poor dude" sad.
But this one is seriously fucked up on so many levels. For christ, this (presumably adult) guy was LITERALLY drowning in those pure, huge, precious tears, sobbing, hissing, shaking and raging, and still couldn't just shut up and take it, at least, like the little girl he is and quickly gtfo with just a bit of dignity left (nevermind his retarded friends, that would be another story).
To hell with the boring Joe Phoenix, the crowds ask for moar Blewzmann! Keep them coming!
Have been playing eve as a pvp'r since 2003 with my main
Reading about suddenly ninjas has I spired me to sign up my salvager account to their cause. Awesome fail blewzman. Awesome fail.
Where did that guy get the ISK from wasting 1 billion fail-fit ships like that?